I've fallen and I can't get up

I pay the bills by doing technical support. Not any technical support mind you, but phone tech support.

That's right. I'm one of those people you reach when you call 1-800 HELPME!

What's even more ironic is the fact I graduated from college many years ago with a B.A. in English with a minor in journalism, because all I wanted to do was write. When I was in college in the olden days, a student owning a computer was almost unheard of due to the expense. You had to book time on the school's computers, located in the library. My papers were written the old-fashioned way... on a manual typewriter. My knowledge of the cutting edge technology was next to nil.

After being in the real world for several years I realized I needed to get some training in the computer field, and have been there ever since.

So here I am resolving life's most perplexing questions. Like, "Why isn't my Farmville working?" and "Where's my start button? I don't see my start button." "Where is the "any" key on my keyboard?" "Where's the off button?" and "Do you mean the modem? That big black box?"

The sad part is I'm not making up these statements. I have actually had a customer call me, unable to locate the any key on the keyboard. Or the one who can't find the start button because he was looking on the keyboard instead of the monitor.

I've had a customer tell me they are in an office building and cannot open their windows. I've also had a customer leave the computer and go and open their windows. I even had a customer who paid for support only to be told he needed new batteries for his wireless mouse. that turned in an expensive pair of triple As!

Even though the customer is often blaming us, or their computer, the fact of the matter most problems with the computer boil down to a "PEBCAK" error. The Problem Exists Between Chair and Computer.

After I earned my Computer Support Diploma, I taught Computer Courses at a local business school. One of the first things I would say to my class is do you know what happens when you call one of those helplines and they put you on hold? Of course the class would say "No."

I would reply "They are calling over their coworkers saying, "You gotta listen to this one!""

Some of the class would laugh, a few would looked shocked. After all, as the teacher, I must be telling the truth.

But I would finish up the story. Those people were once sitting in chairs where you are now.

Now that I've been in the tech-support industry for several years, it comes as no surprise. I was right all along. "Hey guys, have I got a good one for you!"